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Welcome to my web home. I am a software engineer by trade, but have from an early age been fascinated (some might say 'bedeviled') by questions in a number of areas: philosophy, theology and psychology being chief among them. I grew up in a middle class family that was mildly religious. Raised in the Baptist church, I made the 'sweaty' walk to the altar when I was eight years old. I was relieved to be 'right with God', but soon afterward a sudden trauma befell the family that set my mind in motion. My favorite uncle, after returning from Vietnam, died in a car accident, having fallen asleep at the wheel. After his accident I thought about death frequently. I wondered what death was and if I might die unexpectedly as well. I had been taught that there was an after-life in heaven, but wondered if, in the afterlife, I would experience myself as the same 'self' who had lived on earth or whether that person would simply cease to be. I remember looking in the mirror and wondering what a 'self' was. I had been taught about God, but wondered why he was so silent. I wondered why my dog couldn't be in heaven with me. So many questions. Despite all of my questions, I didn't feel overtly troubled by them until I was 14, at which time my mind began to grasp abstract thoughts. I wondered if there really was a God and my readings in the Bible started to lead me to question in what way Scriptures could be "the word of God". At the time, I had a loving church family though and many of these thoughts were simply brushed aside. When I was 17, I read the book On Being a Christian by Hans Kung (a Catholic theologian who had been stripped of his license to teach by the Church) and my mind really went into a spin. Kung intimated that the Bible was not the word of God, but man's word about his experiences of God. He also wrote about (to me) weird things like liberation theology and host of others things I could barely comprehend. When I graduated from high school, I set off to Asbury College to study for the ministry. My questions and doubts persisted. I eventually attended Piedmont Bible College and began to have even more questions and doubts, especially about the brand of Christianity in which I had been reared. Finally, like Moses setting off for the wilderness, I dropped out of school and headed to the Army. For about 17 years I left all thoughts of God or religion behind. I had had enough. For a variety of reasons, I decided to come back to church (I attend a United Methodist Church now) to begin grappling with all of the questions again but within a community. My prior zeal for asking questions and seeking answers has returned and this website reflects the current place in my journey. Perhaps you are on a similar journey. I hope you find the website helpful. Sincerely, Wayne Abbott
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